Change

It's been awhile since I've written. 

I was unable to find the right words to put here. 

A lot has changed in my life, and still is changing everyday. 

I try to remain positive and happy, some days are easier than others. Eventually I won't have to try, I'll just be positive and happy all day everyday. 

Since I've been on my own, I have come to some conclusions. 

1. People will do what they have to do for THEMSELVES. Even if that means hurting other people. 

2. When you love someone so deeply, don't forget to love yourself more. It's hard finding yourself after a break up if you don't.

3. Always have a smile on your face, even when you don't feel like it. 

4. Always pray for others, especially for the ones who have hurt you the most. Those people must be so hurt inside that they lash out on the people who loves them the most and would do anything for them.

5. Realize that you'll never do anything right in the eyes of someone who wants to only see what they want to be.

6. Learn from the above statement, and don't be that person. Always see the good in people, even if they've done so much bad. Someone has to believe in them. There is so much bad in this world, be the small glimmer of light in someone's world. 

7. Find a house of God that makes you feel closer to God. Without God these past couple of months, I don't know where I would be. I was going down a dark path until He showed me that I'm worthy of greatness. Thank you God!

8. Find a rhythm that works for you. Don't take on too much, or else you'll burn yourself out. And go out every once in awhile. It's a great way to relieve stress. I went out this past weekend with some girlfriends, and was able to laugh so hard like I haven't done in a long time. Also grilled chicken pitas are amazing!

9. It's ok to ask for help. I've had to learn this. I shut everyone out and have finally let people in and asked for help. Even with the smallest problem from my homework. 

10. Final thing I've learned is, that I NEED to LEARN how to cook. Haha poor kiddos have to go through a lot of trial and error. YouTube and pinterest are always going while I'm in the kitchen haha.

Anywho, I'm still going through a lot of transitioning and slowly but surely I'll become who I've always wanted to be.

If you could take anything from this post, please take the following:

Always be kind to others whether you think they deserve it or not. You never know how much that bit of kindness will mean to that person. Also whatever is meant to be, it'll be. Don't force anything to work. 

I hope and pray that y'all  have a wonderful day. I'm rooting for y'all!!

Selfishness

Many things have changed in my life recently.

 

I've moved, totaled my car, dealing with a shady guy who sold me a shady car, chopped off my hair, the list goes on and on.

However, there are some things I am not ready to put out in the world, because if I do, then that makes those certain things real. And I am just not ready for that.

 

What I do want to talk about is Selfishness.

Now when most people see that word or even hear it, it usually means something bad.

And yes, selfishness can be bad, but I'm here to talk about the good of selfishness.

 

I've decided to take a year to be selfish.

Now, hold on before you judge me for doing so, let me explain...

I'm doing this because I feel like I need to become a better person, and truly find myself.

I believe I am having a mid life crisis in my late twenties...

So instead of spreading myself thin for others and obligations, I rather sit back and find myself, and really focus on me and my kids.

So if I say no to going out with friends, or don't want to give a ride to someone, or if I just plainly reject something, please don't take it personally. I am just not going to be doing very much that I no longer want to do.

 

In the past and very recently, it was very common for me to always be there for others. Yet when I was in need with everything that is going, about 99% of the people that I was there for were not there for me in my time of need. Which is fine. It truly opened my eyes on what kind of people I want to surround myself with.

 

I'm forming my circle of people, and to be honest, it is pretty amazing what this circle of people have done for me. I feel like they will forever be in my life.

 

Now back on track. Being selfish is something that I haven't yet gotten to do. Have I had selfish moments? Of course I have. But I've never been truly selfish.

I want my time to be MINE. I want to do something because I WANT to do it. I want to see something because I WANT to see it.

 

Now please don't think that I am saying that I've done everything for everyone. That is not the case. I do feel that I HAVE done more for others than they have done for me. And it sucks, because I was the one who truly believed that others would do as I do for them. Again that is not the case and me just being naïve. There have been moments where others have helped me, however, I felt like it came with a cost. And I'm sure others will say the same about me, but no one ever wants to take the blame. So you know what, I'll take the blame for everything. Because during this year of me being selfish, I'm going to learn to not care about petty shit like that.

 

During this year, I'm going to find myself.

I AM going to find my FAITH.

I AM going to have God lead me down the right path.

I AM going to become happy.

I AM going to learn to love myself.

I AM going to learn to build such confidence, that NO ONE will EVER be able to destroy me again.

I AM going to get where I am suppose to be.

I AM going to accomplish my goals.

I AM going to be SELFISH and going to FOCUS on ME.

 

There are people out there, who I'm sure will talk shit about me because of what I'm doing, or will have a harsh opinion, but hey it's ok. Do whatever you have to do to make yourself feel better.

I am not going to stop anyone from feeling better about themselves.

 

Right now I am in a dark place. I am filled with bitterness, and hatred. And that is not me. SO I am changing that. I've felt like I am drowning in a black sea. However recently I've been feeling like I can somewhat breathe under this black sea and I can see light at a very far distance.

Right now, I'm not great, wonderful, amazing, awesome, good, well, etc.

I am just O.K.

A few weeks ago I wasn't even O.K. so therefore I am growing.

 

The ones who love me have told me that I am in a growing period of my life. And trust me, I didn't want to hear it at the moment but I am now understanding what exactly they meant by it.

If I could have punched my brother through the phone for saying that type of stuff to me, I would have haha, but now I know that he was saying that stuff to help me realize my strength.

 

I have been destroyed, I have been defeated, I have reached my bottom.

 

Now, it's time for me to rise.

With God leading the way.

Nothing is impossible anymore.

Nothing is out of reach.

Nothing is going to stop me.

 

Here's to a year of being selfish!!!

 

 



10 facts about MOI.

I've been seeing a lot of blog post like this, so I figured why not?

 

1. I currently am taking FIVE classes, plus work, plus kids...wtheck was I thinking?!

2. I LOVE making fabric flowers for your hair. I don't know why but I FREAKING love it more than any other DIY projects.

3. I get obsessive about things. For instance, if I get on a cleaning kick, I have to do because it has to be done a certain way. Or if I read a book, I have to find a series because I can't just stop at one book. I have questions!!

4. I love a good smelling house. I love candles, and all things that just smell yummy!

5. I like buying hoards amounts of cleaning supplies. When I moved 2 years ago, I had 2 or 3 giant boxes filled with cleaning products.

6. My planner is color coordinated according to school (each class has it's own color), work, mom stuff, appointments, etc.

7. I love planning board games with my kiddos. I'm happy that they love playing board games with me as well :)

8. I love a good bargain! I am always price matching, seeing if it's something that I could easily make, or something I can borrow.

9. I am a plain jane. I like to wear jeans, a shirt, and some flats or sandals. I go through areas where I have to have an accessory for everything but eventually I go back to my roots of being simple. I have to thank my brother for that. I wanted to be just like my big bro growing up. haha. I also just wear foundation, mascara, and some tinted lip balm.

10. I am a carb lover. I will choose a bread stick over some candy. Also I don't like candy, and I especially don't like chocolate candy. The smell of it makes me sick...WHAT?!?! A girl who doesn't like chocolate is not normal haha.

 

Alright, there are my 10 facts.

What are some facts about yourself that not many people know?

 

Have a good day!!

 

 



Traditions & randomness of course.

I have come to notice that every year for the past (going on) 3 years, January and February have been pretty crappy months. Something always seem to happen during the beginning months.

I am going to keep praying that things finally change, or that this could be the last year where something unfortunate happens.

I pray this is not becoming a tradition for me.

 

So I am attempting to change things. I am letting go of things I no longer need or want in my life.

 

Like I've said in my previous post, I am going to be selfish this year and focus on my needs and wants. I don't care if others agree or frown upon that, it's my life not theirs.

 

It is something that is hard for me to do, because I am a giver. I try to give to others, help others, do everything I can, but I am so burnt out it is taking a major toll on me and my health.

 

My weight loss has been going pretty good. On days that I don't workout, I try to meet a goal of at least 6,000 steps for that day. Or I try to super clean haha. Same thing right?!

 

I started school this past Saturday and I'm already having issues. None of my classes are showing up online except for my math...of course. SO I have to figure that issue out, not an easy task if I say so myself.

 

I'm currently trying to simplify my life, and have been super cleaning. So far, I've gotten through a little bit of my closet, school books, makeup, most of the kids clothes, and some random papers. Not bad for the start of the year.

 

Next up are dressers, shoes, and beauty products.

 

Speaking of traditions,

Some traditions I am hoping to create this year are:

1. Read at least one book a month

2. Pick an area each month, and deep clean through whatever it is.

3. At least a weekly family game night, and a monthly family movie night

4. Read the bible, and write notes, and eventually pass it on to my children.

5. Go thrift shopping with my kiddos, and really teach them the value of a dollar. My mother was very good at teaching us the value of a dollar by having us work and pay for certain things. My eyes were opened at that moment I made my first purchase and realized how quickly money goes.

 

Well I'm not sure where this blog post is going. It's truly all over the place. So I'll just leave it here. haha

 

Have a great day!

 



Raw.

Let's get a little raw here.

2015 was a shitty year.

It was the most challenging year I have yet experienced.

I don't wish any of the stuff I went through on anyone.

And the frustrating part is that I was not the cause of any of the stuff I went through. That is why I am currently re-evaluating who is exactly in my life.

I will NOT have another shitty year because of other people.

 

Let's go a bit deeper.

I gained back all the weight that I had originally lost except for maybe 5 pounds.

I am an emotional eater. It was a non stop roller coaster last year.

 

And something no body outside of immediate family and of course my bestie.

I am suffering from depression and anxiety.

It's not something I am proud of. I feel like I have failed myself to let myself get here. Some days are harder than others, but I'm just trying to take things one day at a time.

That is why I am back to my weight loss journey.

I am hoping that with losing some weight, that I will lose some of this emotion.

 

I know that this may be selfish, but I am going to make this year about myself.

I have given so much to other people that I have nothing left to give.

It's really tough to constantly have to smile at everyone like everything is ok, when in reality it's not.

But a part of it is my fault because I let certain people continue to walk all over me.

Well I'm done with that.

 

So I'm no longer going to lie, and just pretend everything is fine.

 

Things are changing and I am determined that they change for what's BEST FOR ME and MY KIDS and no one else.

 

2016 is where I get my shit together. And finally get rid of shit haha. 

 

 

 



Happy New Year 2016!!

     So I basically spent my new years relaxing at home, with my hair all nappy, watching movies, and working on my planner. So I would say that it was a great new years for me. E is with her father and step mom and T was with the neighbors where they had a bunch of kids over playing games. My kiddos are growing up and leaving the house already! :( So I had no kiddos around me for NYE, which gave me time to sit down and think about things that I want to achieve for the year.

     I know a lot of people think resolutions are stupid, however, I like making goals for the year and see how much I have accomplished at the end of the year. Do you know how satisfying it is when you get to see your goals written on paper and you can mark them off at the end of the year meaning you did it?! It's a wonderful feeling.

     I put my goals list in my planner so I can constantly see them to make sure I am planning stuff to help me achieve them. Here are a few of my goals. I'm keeping certain goals private until I am more comfortable with being that open.

- Lose five pounds per month, which totals to 60 pounds for the year
- Make meal plans & workout!! Push yourself!
- Declutter my life: LESS is MORE.
- Set up monthly goals
- Do well in school
- Get rid of some debt
- Read more personal development books and good book in general
- Blog and learn to be open
- Get up & do more & BE MORE
- Take things one day at a time

Pretty hefty goals right there, however, I'll be able to achieve them because I am a planner and I love making lists to help me cross things off.

I already have all my meals planned for January. They are very simple, nothing fancy, but it makes  things more achievable.

What are some of your goals that you've made for the year? Hope everyone had a great NYE!!