Diet is a damn 4 letter word...

Dieting and I have a hate hate relationship. I am starving and this diet thingy isn't helping. 

I can't find anything healthy that I would enjoy eating eveyday. I suppose that is why the word diet is a 4 letter word. I need more motivation. My schedule really insane. I know I shouldn't use that as an excuse, but my schedule is truly exhausting. For instance, every Friday I work from 6:30am to 12am, that is basically a 18 hour day. I also work 7 days a week. I wish I had a personal chef haha.

Well I have suck it up. 

My motto:

EAT YOUR SALAD, NO DESSERT, GET THAT MAN YOU DESERVE!

Ineed to make a meal plan asap.

Also thank baby Jesus school is back in session! I love my babies but damn this single mama needs a break.

New Year's Eve with a recap of 2012

Well here I am, sitting in my house watching Joyful Noise while my son and I just finished up a mickey mouse puzzle and my daughter is snoring with her fluffy white rabbit she got for her 5th birthday.

 

To me this is exactly the way I would love to begin my new year.

Relaxing in my house with my beautiful children.

 

Last new year's was a bit stressful and I was in an extremely uncomfortable environment, so this past year has been filled with plenty of ups and downs. I would say quite a few more downs than I expected, and more than I would have liked.

 

A few highlights from this year is that

- I was able to take two vacations, and on one of them I saw my brother! I haven't seen him since he came down to baptise my daughter. And I got to see my bestie whom I haven't seen in what feels like forever and a day.

- I have a really great job NOW. I am very lucky to get the position that I currently have.

- My daughters' father and I seem to be able to communicate a lot better than before, which is REALLY great for my daughter.

- My princess is finally getting along with her friends at school and is truly growing academically!

- My little man is doing so great with his speech! It is amazing on far he has come over the year!

 

I'm not sure if I'm calling what I have planned for 2013 Resolutions or just plan ol' goals. I am not really good at keeping up with resolutions, so maybe from now on I'll just call them goals.

I have a few things that I want to accomplish this upcoming new year.

- I am determined to get out of any and all debt that I may have and be completely debt free.

- I want to lose all the weight that I need to lose...ugh I know everyone and their grandma will be in the gym tomorrow...

- I want to build a better relationship with my children.

- I want to either move into a house or buy a house. I've always lived in an apartment, but my daughter asked if we could live in a house. Ugh hurt my heart when she asked that. Why I am determined to be debt free to put all my money towards a little house for my little family.

- I want to get as far as possible with school so I can get my bachelor's.

- Also to have more time management so I can update this little blog more often.

 

So I think that is quite a few good things for me in the upcoming year.

 

 

I am truly excited for this new year! Yay!

 

Until next time loves!

 



Why is she looking like a hot mess?!

WHOOOOAAAAA!!!!

 

I am actually sitting down and writing on my blog!! I can't believe it!

 

So where do I start?

 

Hmmm...Let's see I'm fat, sick, and exhausted. yup. That sums it up ;]

 

I've gained 17 pounds in this past month...That makes me depressed. How do I overcome this battle of being oBEAST? Ugh...well I guess dieting. Blah. My mom told me that she is going to buy me the first round of HCG. I know that it is probably not the best thing but I want to be able to look in the mirror and actually see change and actually be HAPPY...I'll let you know how it works out.

 

I haven't felt that great lately. Probably because I am fat and eat shitty food. I have constant headaches, dizzy spells, and can't sleep. I've recently have been taking melatonin to help me with sleep. Also I haven't really been able to concentrate at work which is not good.

 

I've been absolutely exhausted. I feel like I'm going to pass out all the time. During my lunch at my weekday job, I take about a 15 minute nap, because I can no longer keep my eyes open. Working two jobs 7 days a week is really hard on me. Especially while trying to raise my children by myself. Yes I made a choice to have children but I didn't make the choice of having to raise them myself. Oh well I have to just endure this difficult time.

 

I can't believe it is almost Christmas!!! It's my FAVORITE holiday!!! All the shiny things! All the endless crafts!!! It is amazing!! Except for the price tag...Blah. I am able to squeeze a couple of extra bucks out for a few cheap gifts for my kiddos. I hope they like the little things I was able to buy them. I know Christmas isn't about gifts, but I would love to give my children a lot more, unfortunately the income of a single mother doesn't allow such things. Ok I'll get off my soap box now ;]

 

Also I've been having a really difficult time with my daughter. She has no respect for me whatsoever. She screams, kicks, bites, etc to my son and I. I have no idea what to do at this point. I am trying to do a marble and stick approach to discipline her. I'll explain more in a few weeks. I want to try it out to make sure it is effective before I promote something. Also any parenting advise is welcomed:]

 

And to end this quick post before I pass out...

 

I would like to take a moment and praise the children that were taken too early from us on Friday morning.

My heart and soul is aching for the emptiness the families may feel. I look at my 1st grader and I can't even imagine...

 

 

Please know little angels, you are now safe with Him. Yes, you'll be missed deeply but know that one day you will see your mommy and daddy again.

 

I am not going to comment on the bastard who did this, he doesn't deserve any recognition whatsoever.

 

On a lighter note, I'll be posting pictures up soon!!

 

Well the melatonin is kicking in...

Night!

 

 

 

Must I?!?!

-Wake up every morning, disliking the person I see in the mirror?

- continue to be unhappy?

- not feel comfortable in my own skin?

- compare myself to others? 

- cave into cravings?

These are questions that go through my head. I have come to the terms that I really am a fatty. It's been quite some time since I've looked at a size Medium shirt and I feel like crying because of it. 

I am disgusted with the way I look and I feel like I cannot change. I see all the work that needs to be done, but to honest I feel that I am so far off that it would be impossible to EVER lose weight.

My heart is heavy so is my ass.

Just wanted you to know where I stand... 

I hope I will get the motivation I need soon.

How do you do everything?!

I get this question all the time.

How I manage to get everything done. Take care of the kiddos, my mom, house, work, school, etc.

To be honest, because things need to get done, and I am the only one here to do them. I don't have "back up", I guess you can say. I don't have anyone that can pick up the slack. For example, last week TJ had a thanksgiving lunch on Thursday, and then Eliana had a family picnic of Friday. I spent my lunch speeding to their school's to be there for them. I was able to make it and spend about 25 minutes with them. It sucks that I couldn't be there for the full amount of time, but at least I was there =]

 

 

&&& just to make things harder, I got a part time job on top of my full time job, kiddos, mom, and I've signed up for classes in the spring...what the heck did I do? ahaha I really hope I can manage to handle everything.

 

I got a 2nd job because I need to catch up on bills, save money for emergencies, and I also am not expecting to receive child support from my daughter's father anymore. Yes there is a court order, but when it comes to stuff like that and him, I don't think it'll come on a regular basis's now that he is in charge of it. So I have to ensure that my daughter is taken care of. My main job takes care of my son's needs. I haven't spoken much about it on here but my son has Epilepsy. It's scary to think that one bad seizure can cause more damage, or worse, it'll let to the end of his precious life. He had a bad seizure almost 2 years ago, and it has caused a lot of damage. It's still hard to deal with so that will have to wait for another post...but that is where about 90% of my income goes to is all his medical stuff.

 

Also Xmas is around the corner and last year I didn't have a lot of extra money for xmas gifts. So this year I am going to work my ass off so that way my kids will have a great xmas! Also I adopted a little girl for xmas. So what I get that little girl is all that she is going to get. How sad is that?! I wish more people would help these children.

 

 

If you can help, please do so. Anything helps for these kids.

 

So back to how do I do everything?

Basically I try to do most of my morning tasks the night before.

I actually do my hair the night before, pick out my kiddos outfits, as well as my own, get my purse, back-packs on the counter ready to go, get gas if I need to, etc.

In the morning I wake up about 2 hours prior to needing to be at work to ensure everything is ready to go. Eliana is NOT a morning person WHATSOEVER! So I spend most of my morning time dragging her booty out of bed trying to get her into a cute shirt. Don't get me started on trying to get socks on her feet. UGH! And TJ sleeps through out the whole dressing process. He is still asleep when I pull up to his daycare. ahaha it is freaking awesome and easy!

 

Also I use my phone calendar like there is nooooo tomorrow. I have alarms going off for EVERYTHING! Work, pick up times, assignments, doc appts, even when to pay my bills! I don't know what I would do with my calendar.

 

So that is basically how I get things done.

 

Sorry that this post is all over the place. It's how I roll.

Also I was thinking, if I ever get married what would this blog be called? It really can't be "singlemama"...Hmmm oh well I'll deal with that when the time comes! ;]

 

Have a good night you skinny bitches!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Hi, my name is Estefanie and I am a fatty.

yup.

 

The title sums it up. Since I've started this new position at work, alllllll day long I snack at my desk. Damn you drawers for being great food holders. UGH. Not only am I disappointed in myself, but I am disgusted by the way that I look. How can I be "MILF Status" if I look like a fatty? I've totally lost my mojo. I need my weight loss mojo, I NEED that rocking mentality back. I need help, I need a jump start. To be honest these look like excuses as I type them out.

 

I weighed myself two days ago, and my mouth literally fell out (that's what she said) because I was so in shock on how much I've gained in such a short amount of time. I really just want to cry and go to sleep. The clothes in the fat girl side of my closet are now getting tooooo tight. It's disgusting.

 

I just need to find my passion and mojo for losing weight again.

 

Anyone have any ideas on how to get that motivation back again?

I know that most say you just have to be mentally ready for it. To be honest, I really was but life hit me in multiple directions at once, and since I don't really have anyone to support me that lives by me, food is the next best thing. UGH. That sounds disgusting too.

 

 

I need a plan.

 

Time to get out the pen and paper and write down workout schedules, meals, and put post it notes EVERYWHERE, reminding me that I am a fatty and I don't want to be one anymore!

 

 

 

 

 

THIS.

 

Any advice is welcomed.

 

have a great night you skinny bitches! ;]

 

 

 

 



Hey you Hookstars!

So where do I begin?! These past few weeks have been insane!!!

 

In between getting new people at work and trying to somewhat train, halloween, my 21st (again) bday, and my mom having emergency surgery. I am a wreck yo!

 

All is good with the Madre, thank baby Jesus in a tuxedo shirt! Work is slowly coming along, halloween was a blast, and my birthday was a blast in a glass...if you know what I mean ;]

 

So this is going to be mostly a pic post because I am TIRED!! And I have to wake up early as hell. When I leave for work it is still flipping dark outside!

 

So on to the pics!!!

 

 

 

 

Aren't my kiddos the cutest little things EVER?!?! I may or may not have a biased opinion...

 

 

 

My 21st bday!! again...ahaha I am not as skinny as I was on my actual 21st bday =[

 

 

My co workers ROCK!!!

 

 

My bday was pretty awesome!!

 

 

Well it is time for bed for this single mama!

 

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